what a day

my days have been full of emotion lately. friends coming and going. i dont know which way is up or down anymore... thats ok when your into the art thing, right? i really thought it was silly when i decided to stay in this town to get an art degree. i couldnt very well leave anyways, i still have lots of planning and talking to do before that becomes a reality, right? it will eventually, and im excited for that day to come. anyways, art degree, what on earth can you do with one of those? im not sure really.

i can tell you this, ive always thought of myself as sensative to the beauty in this world. now i try even harder to find it. i see it more and more, but usually not in the places im looking. when i strain to find beauty everywhere, the simple things are usually what im captivated by. i watched a lizard crawl with clumsy precision through the chainlink fence last week. i sat and wondered at why i would stop to do such a thing, but i just couldnt tear my eyes from its performance. it was beautiful in the most raw and natural way.

i wiped tears from a good friends' eye today, and my heart broke. it was bitter-sweet, my broken heart. i thought it nice to hurt again, in a sad sort of way. one of a thousand memories i wouldnt trade for anything this world has to offer. i hope to charish those moments more and more, the ones that cant be planned.

i wonder how much life ive missed in search of it? i think lennon said that life happens when youre making plans. im tired of planning. i think my tentative plans will carry me through to the next season, and then ill go from there. more than anything, i hope that my life might be the beautiful and simple scene that demands attention. not full of flash, but genuine. i hope that my life is beautiful because i didnt plan it so, but because God let me be in the right places at the right times.